a bit discouraged.

i've felt a bit discouraged as of late. nothing too huge, just the sum of many little events that have triggered a bummed out attitude.

i can see that God has had such a hand on this trip to Africa thus far, but i think He has recently begun testing my heart and motives, because perhaps they have, at times, fallen out of line with His. 

i've gotten so caught up in the financial aspect of this that i forget to show people my heart when i'm telling them why i'm going, and why i DESIRE to. 
i forget to mention Him...

or maybe it's not so much that i "forget" as much as it's my not wanting to "shove God down people's throats". but i believe that if i'm honest and up-front, and my passion for this trip is evident, nothing about it will be abrasive or forceful, but legit, rather. 

if i've neglected to say this, let me say it now: without Him, i am nothing. i literally mean nothing. i am but a mere piece of flesh and bones walking around with a beating heart which will one day stop beating.....................................................and then what? 

without Christ, i am nothing. 

i am not ashamed to say that to whomever may read this now. 
but will i live it out? 
that's the true question. 

secondly, God IS "mother nature", and the past couple of fund-raisers i've wanted to have had to be cancelled due to weather (a car wash and a yard sale) all because the good ole' "trusty" weather man called for an 80% chance of rain and storms. since when is God not bigger than rain? since when is He not a 100% chance of sunshine? 
(i know it sounds a bit cheesy, but work with me, here.) 

sidenote: when i cancelled the car wash because of this fear, it ended up being 75 degrees and sunny...ALL day. perfect. 


i think He's really just waiting on me to FULLY trust him with everything. the finances. the immunizations. the modes of transportation. the people who doubt me. the weather. all of it. 

and so tonight, (today...however you prefer to look at it), i surrender all. i'm tired of the bs, i'm tired of the negativity, i'm tired of letting people's opinions, a number, or a percentage dictate what i do. 

if this trip was really brought to my attention to glorify Christ (which i believe it was), it will all work out in the end. this much, i know. 

thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. 
here's to 20 days until i set foot on an international flight to AFRICA!

with nothing to lose, & everything to gain,  

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